Dear Douchebag in your Coggin College of Business Shirt, sitting in the cubby beside me in the library,
You’re a douchebag. Please stop talking loudly on your cellphone and yelling obscenities about salt and vinegar potato chips. Stop loudly rocking back and forth in your chair, and shut the hell up. Your pencil is not a drum stick and your desk, WHICH IS CONNECTED TO MINE, is not a drum set, so please stop using it as one. I can hear your obnoxious voice over my calming study playlist, and that does not make me happy. You suck, and you are making my time in the library unenjoyable and unproductive. Again, you suck. I just gave you the evil eye, and you apologized, but I don’t care. You still suck, talking, no practically yelling, to your friend at another table. I’m going to leave now because you suck.
Sincerely,
-Me
